The name Team Elle is something I have been using for a few years now, once I embraced I could not do this alone and needed a cadre of support to survive.  I always was on Team Aniston and felt like I needed that same symbolic token of support that she must have during her darker days.

Follow up to the DDD appointment.  Summary.  Scheduled for 3pm – she called at 3:30 running late.  Arrives at 3:40 and I am feeling agitated as I open our front door.  Her genuine kindness quickly melted my icy energy.  I proceeded to boldly place some ice cubes in a clear glass and pour a little sauvignon blanc for this special occasion, I even offered her some but she very professionally declined.  I probably should not have done this but these days I am trying to “listen to my body cues” and I could have sworn my body was screaming at me, you need some cold white watered down wine, you are being bitchy, so….  I obliged in an effort to not alienate the assessor and to honor what my body was screaming for.

Sparing all the details, this woman who is happened to be called Angel, left at 7pm and we are not even done yet .  Low lights – Elle wanted my attention and was not happy about Angel being in our kitchen, she could sense something was up.  She even displayed her displeasure by pulling her pants down and giving the social worker a full frontal of you know what !  Even I was stunned.  A full frontal, pubic hair, pull up and all.  Elle didn’t give a shit, she wanted Angel out of the kitchen and was demanding in her own way, to have a quiet pool side summer evening….   This is not a typical “public” behavior for her, thank god or I truly would be in a locked padded room some where in the middle of the state.  She usually saves that behavior for Tim and I when she is extremely pissed and/or tired.  It was at that point Tim whisked Elle down to the man cave where it is dark, cool, and the steady drone of MSNBC runs 24/7 in the back ground, my husband’s idea of white noise.  I prefer the ocean personally.  Additional low lights included having to show Angel my daughter’s bedroom to prove that I was not keeping her in a locked feces ridden cage.  I was also told it is probably not legal for Tim to have installed an exterior latch on Elle’s bedroom door (our solution too her possibly wandering in the middle of the night/early am).  High lights – if Angel had to take a facebook quiz on her personality type I would say she is emotionally intelligent introvert.  Intuitively, she read my pain and plea for help – and would  not accept me minimalizing “the situation”.   Go figure!

By early August we should know what options DDD has in store for us.  Being a first born/quasi only child, I have always gravitated toward having a plan.  Team Elle needs a serious GD plan for the next 6 years until our youngest, Charlie, graduates from HS.  6 years.  A lot can happen in 6 years.  (wait is that an Eminem hit).  I want the next 6 years to be the beginning of  a new phase of life.  It is never going to be easy, it will always be something we are juggling, but I know at my very core something has to give – and I will not allow it to be my marriage, missing out on over night weekends to the lake, visiting Amelia at the UW, going to Charlie’s games WITH my husband, or my highest priority, my fucking sanity.  On the other hand, I know I have exceedingly high expectations and a very long measuring stick and therefore won’t be able to enjoy any of the above unless I know that Elle is being cared for the way I want her to be cared for.  Who does not love a challenge!

I guess the very best part of yesterday is that for dinner I started with ice cold Blanco vino at 4pm when Angel arrived, followed by a No Cow protein bar at intermission, and then Tim and I drove with Elle in the back seat down to Brain Freeze for dessert (which is clearly not on the metabolic institute health plan, I know but desperate times do call for desperate measures).  No line.  Walked right up to the display of exotic and eccentric flavors while Daddy Tim and Elle waited in the air-conditioned Golden Chariot aka the Camel which is what my mom named her car before gifting it to the Northern Family.   I sampled a few of the newest releases and happily walked back to our car with a salted carmel milk shake for Tim, one scoop of circus cotton candy for Elle, and yes ohhhh yes one scoop of salted cashew and Carmel ice cream for me … salty and sweet.  A bit like my life.

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